#sensualselfiechallege day 4: I am here: Tumblin’ and fumbling through my existence. Making mattress pads my fortress and my throne.

Another day, another slay. Or at least I am trying to slay. I cannot promise perfect, but I can promise my weird ass posing to make myself feel better. Day 4 was a weird day. It was the first day in a while where I tried not to worry about anything. I was content. Maybe because I woke up in a random room, attached to machines, and thought “I am taking care of me.” It started at 4 am. Yeah, you heard that right. 4 am. Not by choice by the way. My body decided to wake up and stay in a half-awake state until I was officially awakened at 5 am. And because I was in a strange place, in the same clothes I was wearing the day prior, and having tape pulled from every part of my body I was not in the mood.

Then I read Day 4’s email and the poem from Eryn from @erynamelism that I knew there was a reason for my mood.

"I am here: Tumblin’ and fumbling through my existence. 
Making mattress pads my fortress and my throne. 
I feel the most beautiful when I am exposed, sometimes nude but mostly, when I am aware, that I am so fucking FULL of light. 
Sensuality is a lot like a instant recharge for me. 
And MY sensuality is buried 500 wombs deep. 

And my lineage is ever growing.  
Word to my Ancestors guides. 
In my most vulnerable moments, I am still, I am brave I am seeking with clarity and intention. When I show up for myself, I fall deeper in love with the very essence of me. This essence includes passion and guilt free self indulgence.  

For joy to be mine, it must include my participation.
Every breath plays a part. Every escaping moment, increases my emotional value. Everything about life becomes so monotonous, but time alone, that shit is priceless.
Take all that you need to feel free."

I have made myself vulnerable the past few days and honestly since I got out of the military because I pushed myself out of a comfort zone. My sensuality has been this rollercoaster of emotions and confusion for me and I have only realized how problematic it has been. Not a bad problem, just a problem that I should have dug into before now.

Day 4’s photo is me trying to be as anonymous I can be while in my favorite place. My bed. I love this bed and every part of it has provided me comfort and resiliency. It has also been my worst nightmare, because of my sleeping problems. So, here I am reclaiming my body, my sacredness, and my soul in my favorite place. I will keep stumbling and fumbling until I feel comfortable (if ever), but it is time to sit down and connect with all of it.

How do you reconnect with your sacredness? Tell me in the comments below!

Stay Beautiful!